New American Bad Bible – Not What Jesus Wants (Pt-1)

These sayings may have a Biblical sound to them. But they are not Biblical.

Setting aside the teachings of Jesus, the apostles, and the Hebrew prophets,

these revisions unfortunately fit well with current neo-con (new Republicans) or neo-lib (new Democrats) American values. They were written by Eric Mader in the early 2000’s during the Bush years. This is list 1; you may also want to see list 2..

Below is how some of the original sayings actually appear in the Bible. Please compare!

---

“The New American Bad Bible”

Society; Relationships

1. Why take the beam out of your own eye, when the spin doctors can keep people talking about the speck in the other guy’s eye?
2. If a man asks for your coat, tell him to find a job. If he asks you to go with him a mile, tell him you don’t pick up hitchhikers.
3. When one white son dies it shall be worth seventy black or brown sons in payment. And so the righteous man gets his due.
4. If a man strikes you on the right cheek, you must be a fool. You should have killed him and anyone around him before he got anywhere near you.
5. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a corporation. Though you see its right hand, you know not what its left hand does.
6. Do not resist an evil man. For probably he can make a large campaign contribution.
7. If your right eye offends you, talk about another’s left eye. If your right hand is covetous, talk about social spending. And then when you are in power, freely spend much, much more, for your cronies deserve their due.
8. Consider the lilies of the field, then plow them under and drill for oil.

Workers

1. Do unto others as much as you like, as long as they are helpless and have no voice.
2. There was a man who owned a small vineyard. And he hired men from his village to labor therein, and they did labor honestly for him. And the man became richer and richer, so that finally he owned all the vineyards around that village.
   And then did the man kick out all his original laborers, and hired foreigners to labor in his vineyards. For the foreigners worked for almost no wages. And the villagers, the first laborers, did cry unto him that they had no land to themselves, and no wages with which to live.
   And the man said: “Why did you not think of that before? For many must labor in the vineyard, so that one may enter the Kingdom.”
   He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

Rewards and Punishments; the Deserving and Undeserving

1. Those who are first here will be first in the Kingdom of Heaven as well; for my Father has begun their reward early. Those who are last here will be last there as well, for my Father has found them unworthy. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
2. My Father’s house has many rooms in it, as is only right. I will get those rooms, and add more.
3. Follow me. My yoke is light. The more you have, the bigger your tax break will be.
4. The unworthy are like a forest on a mountainside. They grow there for thousands of years, then the righteous come, cut them to the ground and sell them for profit. then they will strip mine the sides of that mountain for metals, so that where the unworthy once grew there will be but rubble and erosion. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.

The Real Bible – What Jesus Actually Said.

Visits: 47