Jordan Zakarin wrote a good spoof news article entitled Jesus Demures on Obama VP Talk.
Obama is pretty attractive to a lot of Americans as a possible national leader, so…
“[Jesus is] concerned with a number of things,” said the operative … the Son of God was afraid he would be overshadowed by Obama throughout the campaign. “The guy [Obama] is hot right now, with a real massive following, and I don’t think Jesus wants to get lost in the shuffle.”
Well, that might be an issue. But here’s a more frightening one. Remember how the powers that be responded to Jesus first time around?
Another veteran Democratic strategist, on condition of anonymity, speculated that the perfect manifestation of the Holy Spirit was wary of the vaunted Republican attack machine. “After the whole Roman trials ordeal, which took a while for him to overcome, you can understand why he might be unsure of going toe to toe with Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh and Matt Drudge,” the strategist said.
The next problem is also very real. If Jesus wasn’t good enough for 1st Century Jerusalem, why do we think his spiritual perceptiveness and straightforward moral critiques of society would be any more welcome now than they were then?
… are fearful that, as an outspoken advocate of peace and understanding, Jesus Christ would be painted as way too liberal and too much of a dove by the Republicans, who will try to build an advantage in the debate on national security.
“If you listen to his speeches, the amount of welfare this guy advocates for, the kind of medical care he thinks everyone is entitled to, then with the strict anti-war stance, I don’t know who we’re kidding if we don’t think he’ll get creamed by the right wing smear machine …
Given all that, who would vote for a ticket with Jesus on it anyay?
“Listen, we understand that there are just certain people out there that won’t vote for us, regardless of who is on the ticket or what kind of platform we take up,” said one DNC official.
“The so-called ‘values voters’ from the South and Midwest stick out among them. What we need to do is appeal to the center, where the bulk of America is. Perhaps we’ll see soon whether or not Jesus can do that.”
Perhaps we will.